Relationships - Part 1

0034 – 21 September 2006
Relationships – Part 1

Prologue

This will be part 1 of a series of the entries under the title relationships. First time nak buat entri serius ni.

Why do I choose relationships as the main topic?

Well, it is simple actually, because our life is majorly affected by this! And this will determine who you are, how you get them through and so on and so on…

Sebenarnya idea nak menulis pasal benda ni dah lama, terlalu lama! Cuma takde kekuatan dan takde cerita yang sesuai untuk dikongsi bersama.

Dan aku juga mengharapkan adanya satu cerita besar yang boleh initiate mood aku menulis. Tapi takde, yang ada cuma perkara-perkara kecik yang bila dikumpulkan, besar juga akhirnya. So I thought I just carry on…

Relationships…

Relationships involving two sides of people, it cannot walk alone. Dan bila ada dua bahagian, ia menjadi rumit kerana kita perlu untuk menyesuaikan diri , keadaan, dan pelbagai perkara dengan pihak yang satu lagi and vice versa.

Ada yang dapat sesuaikan, ramai yang tak berjaya, yang akhirmya menyebabkan diri hanyut dan terpengaruh dengan pihak yang satu lagi.

Bagi aku, as each side will try harder to fulfill their own needs, they have to have their own stand that will not be affected when they mix around with another side of bunch.

Pendirian kita dalam menjalinkan hubungan dengan manusia amat penting. Jangan sampai akhirnya kita yang hilang identiti.

Banyak yang pernah ku lihat, setelah mereka berhubungan dengan seseorang, mereka akan berubah menjadi orang itu. Seakan mereka sudah kehilangan identity sendiri dan mereka terpaksa untuk melakukannya, semata-mata untuk membiarkan perhubungan itu berjaya.

Dan aku juga tak nafikan, aku juga pernah hanyut dan mengikut orang lain sehingga tergugah pendirianku.

Relationship part 1 – friends

Dalam dunia ini, kita memang tak mampu hidup bersendirian. “Takkan mungkin kita bertahan, hidup dalam bersendirian”. Kita memerlukan antara satu sama lain, dan kebanyakan masa remaja kita banyak dihabiskan dengan rakan-rakan.

Kawan atau rakan, bagi aku, hanya datang dan pergi.

Jarang sekali aku dapat rasakan ia berkekalan kerana kita keep on moving with our life and sometimes our old friends seems irrelevant to be there in the process for us to move to another level.

Banyak yang telah datang dan pergi. Banyak kenangan yang pernah tercipta dan kini hilang begitu sahaja.

Aku banyak kawan. Juga banyak kenalan. Tapi, at some point, bila situasi dan masa berubah, mereka bagaikan hilang begitu sahaja.

Dan aku terpaksa menyesuaikan diri dengan keadaan dengan mencari kawan baru. It doesn’t matter to me, it is a process of life right!

Tapi bila terlalu banyak kenangan yang telah tercipta, aku merasa seksa.

Pernah aku meratapi kehilangan kawan bila mengenang pelbagai kenangan yang telah tercipta kini hilang dan takkan kembali lagi. Kemesraan dulu, suka tawa dulu, tangis duka dulu hilang di telan waktu.

Aku bertanya apa salah aku dibiar begini dan mengapa ini harus terjadi. Dan aku akan terus menyalahkan diri.

Lama juga proses itu berjalan, sehingga aku sedar bahawa kenangan lalu dan kawan itu takkan kembali lagi seperti dulu. People changes through time, and I cannot expect them to be like before, as their in static state. Dekat taman langit maybe la!

Akhirnya aku mengambil langkah dan berpemikiran, there will come and finally they will find their way to go from me.

And I am beginning to get use to that fact.

But kamal is being kamal. Aku tak boleh tipu diri dan hati aku rite? Aku sering konflik mengenai perkara ini.

Current friends

Before I move on, let me tell you my current friends.

All of them that I will discuss are my course mates. And I want to discuss about male friends.

Sebabnya, bagi aku nak berkawan dengan perempuan ini mudah. Mereka takde ego bila berkawan. Mereka senang menyesuaikan diri dengan keadaan kawannya.

In fact, kawan pertama aku masa darjah satu pun perempuan. Norhidayatul Ummi, aku ingat lagi namanya.

But, when it comes to male, I got a problem. First, their ego. Second, they are so full of themselves. Third, maybe I am freak? Urm, maybe…

Ok lets move one to my current male friends. I will not use any real name in this. So pepaham je lah. Kalau tahu siapa, tahu je lah.

Cos, to tell you my story I need to tell their’s too. Ok.

There are 10 male students in my course. Tolak aku jadi la 9 kan. Harap takde yang tersinggung. This is my personal view on each of them.

A : what can I say is, he is genius with no life. Selalu buat perkara pelik yang boleh buat orang pandang ‘slek’ kat dia. I adore him for his brain, but bila dia ni pelik sangat plus, he keep boasting with the brain that God give to him, I cannot stand when I am standing near to him. Macam aku perlukan radius 2 meter dari dia, baru aku rasa selamat. Plus, now he annoys me. But, like I said just now, he is genius. The
problem is, he always be in his world, and seems like he has no life at all.

B : dia tak suka duduk sini. In fact, kuktem will be the last choice for him to be. Mentally down at first in the first year when he saw this place. Tried to change
university, to take teacher course instead. Pandai memang pandai. Yang penting
dia ni rajin. Tapi bila tiba bab kuktem, he’ll back up. Kutuk memacam.

Aku dah nasihatkan dia, everything that happened for a reason. Terima je lah takdir kau di sini. Ada hikmahnya. Tapi dia tak nak terima. I think he tried to fulfill others view on him, etc his friends at home. But bagi aku kat mana-mana pun sama. Kalau campak kat mana pun, memang dah jenis timid and don’t want to get involve with anything, kat oxford pun tak berjaya punya!

C : dia ni paling besar antara kami. Suka merungut. Kadang-kadang benda kecik pun merungut. I usually cannot stand this type of people, in fact aku mulanya tak suka mamat ni. Tak cuba lagi dah merungut. Tapi bila kenal, dia actually merungut je, tapi dia boleh buat kerja. At least walaupun dia besar, dia kira hormat orang sikit.

D : good looking boy. Dah ada awek. Tiap malam mesti bergayut. Bila aku cakap mesti, I mean it. Kalau satu malam tak bergayut, memang pelik.

Aku tak pernah gaduh besar atau konfrontasi dengan dia ni, sebab dia selalu beralah. Tak kisah lah apa pun, pergaduhan jarang terjadi. Pernah sekali aku buat dia marah
betul, tapi dia dah lupakan. Senang jugak bergaul dengan orang macam ni.

E : kami rapat dalam tahun pertama di sini. Amat rapat. Kongsi macam-macam. Cerita, pandangan dan macam-macam.

I once felt that this friend will last at my side, tapi yang terindah hanyalah sementara. Sebab kesilapan aku juga dan dia tak boleh menerima. Kami bergaduh. Not directly, but some sort of perang dingin. Sekarang dah ok, tapi kemesraan dulu tak kembali lagi. I hope it will be back, but hope is nothing right now.

I must say that I can see his potential in life, as he has taught me many things. But dia ni kurang ambil berat sikit pasal pelajaran. Bukanlah teruk sangat, but dia buat sambil lewa. Hobi dia – cari awek baru. Hurm!

F : I think he is just like B, dia tak suka sangat duduk sini. And that makes two of them ‘kemceng’ together. Just like B, timid type, takut-takut, don’t want to get involve in anything, only get involve if ada kawan yang ikut.

I particularly don’t like like this, as this type of person does not stand on
their own feet. Dependant sangat. But, as he does not have any confrontation
towards me, and treat me nicely, I thin I have no major problem with him.

Dan aku memang suka kacau dia ni, sebab cara dia marah adalah senyum. I wonder, dia ni tahu marah ke tak?

G : dia ni tak banyak cakap. Kerja dengan dia ni senang. Tapi kalau sekali dia keluarkan ketidakpuashatian dia kepada sesuatu, memang impak. Sekali keluar, memang la. Don’t have any prob with me, so there is nothing to type about.

H : dia ni ada pendirian. Tapi tak tegas sangat. Selalu jugak ikut kawan. Have ability to do something beyond expectation. Sebab tu aku kata dia ada pendirian dan
pemikiran sendiri. He’ll do anything to fulfill his needs, and his step kadang-kadang aku tak boleh ramal. Or maybe aku kurang rapat ngan dia ni kowt? No major problem also.

I : well, people say save the best for last right? But I save the most I can type about at last.

Aku memang banyak tak puas hati dengan mamat ni. He’s mental! Hehe. Nope la, itu aku taip sebab marah, lupakan ayat tadi.

What I can say is, he’s so full of himself. Nothing but himself. Will not hear any suggestions that beyond his idea. Dia suka berkonfrontasi. Fikir dia ni bagus sangat. Only depends on his glorious past that now seem irrelevant to be applied at this point. Maybe dia ni datang dari sekolah yang bagus, result spm gempak, tapi dia ni poyo yang amat. Aku memang tak boleh terima orang jenis macam ni.

Suka ‘condem’ orang, tapi bila dia yang buat kerja, lagi banyak masalah dari yang di’kondem’. Pernah sekali berkonfrontasi dengan dia secara terang-terangan. Tapi bukan aku sahaja, rakan serumah turut di pihakku.

Akhirnya dia sedar, tapi sekarang kembali menyakitkan hati lagi. Bukan aku sahaja yang tak suka, ada juga orang lain. Basikal dia pun banyak kali kena sabotaj. Seriously, I cant stand this person. Perasan tak, panjang aku menaip ni, compared to others?

9 people plus me, which complete the 10 male students in my course. 10 orang, 10 perangai, 10 kerenah.

Kadangkala aku geram dengan kerenah dan ego yang pada pandangan aku tak ubah seperti sampah. Kadang-kadang aku join sekali. Masa dan waktu berubah kan.

Aku boleh accept the facts that we are different. And we have our own ability and difficulties. But what I cannot accept is don’t you know how to tolerate with each other? Tak belajar ke?

Banyak sebenarnya yang pernah buat aku geram. Cuba bertahan, kadang-kadang terlepas juga. Ada yang aku simpan sahaja. Bukan takut, Cuma kalau aku meluah akan terjadi konflik, and I hate konflik. So for the sake of 4 years I will be here in this college, I will keep it shut.

Tapi itu tak bermakna aku tak boleh sakit hati kan?

Let me tell you the things that have affected me badly with them.

Rule no 1 – don’t boost up in front of me!

Bagi aku senang sahaja. Tak semua kekal, your ability, your face, your style, your money and so on. In a moment, everything can change. Cuma aku tak faham, jenis manusia ni, bila ada yang lebih sikit, mula lah lupa diri, bangga sangat dengan apa yang diperolehi. Hanyut dengan ujian Tuhan di atas kejayaan itu. Kejayaan itu juga kan satu ujian?

In fact, kalau nak berbangga, terlalu banyak yang boleh aku banggakan dan berlagak. Tapi, that is not me, I believe, pendidikan ibu bapa aku masa kecil telah banyak bantu aku dalam tidak berlagak. Plus, some experiences of mine, di mana kejayaan tiba-tiba diragut oleh sesuatu. So, to play safe, always alert.

But to those yang still nak berlagak depan aku for some sort of reason, u are nothing to me. Cos indirectly, you have make people hate you even more and you have shown your own foolishness in front of us.

Rule no 2 – be independant!

This is from my observation la. Maybe wrong, ok. For me, the first child of the family are more independent while others are too dependant. Don’t know why, I feel it that way. Of course it is based on some reasons.

Contohnya, the ‘I’ guy, his path of life is directed by his brother’s achievement in life. As far as I concern, his brother is a medical student, so for him to jump in this world of engineering is a shame. The ‘I’ guy and the ‘B’ guys also have something in common - they keep commenting. Bila ada keadaan yang mereka tak suka, mereka suka bagi komen melulu.

Contohnya, pasal kuktem ni la. They keep saying how fool is kuktem to do this and that, but for me, who are you to say, if you are apart of things that you comment and sadly say, you don’t have any power to get involved to change the situation.

Banyak kawan aku yang try harder to make changes in this campus are the oldest child in family. Kalau ada pun anak kedua, ketiga, mereka memang mature enough to think and act independently. That is from my observation. Lain orang mungkin lain pandangan.

Rule no 3 – get involve!

Susah sangat ke nak involve in something to gain experience. Banyak yang aku telah lakukan, dan pengalaman-pengalaman tersebut amat berharga. Tapi mereka2 ni mengaharapkan untuk disogokkan dengan semuanya.

Then, when time comes for them to do it themselves, they stuck! Nak taip surat pun kena aku buatkan? Baka! I’ve told them many times, to get involve. Kadang-kadang sampai merayu, siap bagi special invitation lagi.

Tapi mereka masih dengan dunia diorang. Maybe, soon they will realize, but maybe it will be too late, maybe the day they graduate?

Rule no 4 – be professional

I’ve jumped in this engineering world. I admit, at first I don’t want it. But it is time for me to accept the faith written up there and go with the flow. Now, I tend to be professional in what I am doing. Kalau ada yang terlepas tu, faham-faham je lah, I’m still learning. But for them, hush (satu keluhan yang berat!)
.
First, attire. Aku tak cakap apa yang aku cakap bagus sangat, and aku admit aku skema. But that is for the professional part. To wear something like you seen in the delinquents’ movie is not appropriate to class. Aku pun tak nak la jadi skema freak yang ikut je peraturan, tapi takkan peraturan kecik pun tak boleh ikut. Esok we’ll be with a trip to industry. I suggested to wear matrix card. The small thing that hanged at your neck tu! Tapi diorang tak nak, too skematikus for them. Macam mana la nak bagi good impression kat industry?

Secondly, time management. Aku akui aku pun bukannya bagus sangat, tapi kalau kelas pukul 8, baru nak mandi pukul 7.59 apa guna? Memang bangang. Pernah bergaduh jugak pasal masa ni. Janji studi group pukul 915, tapi mula pukul 955! My precious 40 minutes on my busy week (minggu tu aku busy gila ngan aktiviti) hilang begitu saja. Bila aku marah, esoknya sebab aku lewat 1 minute, si mamat ‘I’ hentam aku balik. Well, diorang hutang aku lagi 39 minit kan?

Sekarang ni aku ambil pendekatan - lantak la korang. I’ll go following my time, whether you are there with me or not. Sebabnya, selalunya kitorang pergi berbasikal bersama. Nak menunggu untuk semuanya siap amat menyeksakan. Aku selalu buat-buat dengar mp4 sambil tunggu, tapi hati aku kat dalam panas gila!

Entahlah, I believe what my English lecturer said “it will come time when something will hit your head telling you to change”. I think the hit has reached my head, hard enough to make me awake, but for them? Only God knows when.

Rule no 5 – please accept people as they are

Like I always said, we are different. The think that bid us is tolerate. But to judge on people from their cover is not something good to be done. Macam hampeh je, gelakkan orang gemuk and tak lawa. Aku suka kenal dulu baru judge. Then bila kenal barulah aku sedar, dari orang yang gemuk, pendek dan tak lawa tu lah ada value yang tinggi. ada perangai yang menyenangkan.

Aku pun macam tu jugak, selalu pandang luaran. But that is at first. Well, first impression is important but they are not always right. When I realized that, I’ve changed. Or maybe the rule of PRS that I keep holding? “terima orang lain seadanya” itu cakap cikgu aku dulu. Dan aku berpegang kepada kata-kata itu. Cause people are different if you see from outside and inside.

Penutup

I think that is for now. I’ll keep updating the rules, from time to time.

Nak meluahkan perkara yang terjadi lama di dalam hidup memang sukar. So dari masa ke semasa, aku akan update benda ni lagi.

Pendirian aku terhadap kawan tak berubah lagi saat ini – they’ll come and they’ll go.

Maybe it will change, who knows?

But, as a conclusion, what can I say is they have colored my way along these years. Kebangangan dan kepoyoan diorang menjadi pengalaman buat aku.

Walaupun kadangkala aku bengang sangat, I guess it is valuable in term of experience. So let it be!

Luahan aku di atas tak bermakna aku maha betul. I’m still human.

But that is my frank view on the situation. yang terasa di yang terdalam.

Syukurlah, at least aku bias meluah di sini.

Dalam otak tengah merangka untuk part 2 and part 3

Akan adakah?

Sama-sama nantikan (cewah!)

Bye, enjoy your day!

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:::YTBACK!!!:::

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