U might understand, u might not...

0363
07 March 2009

Sudah seminggu tidak menulis di Yang Terdalam…
Sudah terlalu lama tidak menulis Dari Yang Terdalam..

My entries get shallow, and shallower as time goes by
I realized that…

Rage. Hate. Frustrated.

That might be three words that described what is happening inside of me now.
Don’t want to give much detail about it, but every things that I thought about, re-circled around those three words.
I guess not many know.

To fake a smile is norm in my life. To act like nothing is happening is actually my ability. To avoid confrontation is my specialty.

I do hate confrontation. I hate them. I cant stand when thinking there is someone who hate me for what ever reason they have.

I’m only human. I cant satisfy everybody. There might some people who likes me, and some of them don’t. I get that.

But this is me. Aku akan cuba sedaya upaya mengatur keadaan agar semua puas hati. Banyak konfrontasi dapat dielakkan, dan ramai yang berpuas hati.

In the end, it turns out that I’m the one who suffered to satisfy their needs. Dan aku? Takde sapa peduli.

Actually, I’m getting tired telling and thinking about this. Same old story. The repetition is annoying. And the tale never ends.

Maybe I think about it too much, and it gets complicated and more complicated as I think. But, how can I solve the problems if I am not thinking?

I’m longing for something, I want it badly. I gave hope, I told the truth.

All I get was rejection and frustration. I’m torn apart. Jujurku hanya hancurkan hatiku.

Duh, this is a mess up.

I’m planning to write this entry longer than this. But, now I feel that it is too messed up to tell you about it.

Tak tahu hujung pangkal mana nak cerita, mana satu patut didulukan, mana satu dikemudiankan. Macam benang berselirat, tak tahu pangkal, tak tahu hujung.

Keep thinking want to tell somebody bout it. Tapi selalunya tak semua yang diberitahu. I think I need the exclusivity of the story to be entirely mine. I’m might be like a volcano, which have so much things bottled inside.

Bila mau meletup?
Tak tahu.
Tak sampai limit lagi kowt.

Guessing what it is I’m talking about? Keep guessing. U might get right, or u can be totally wrong.

Sebab entri ini bukan hanya bercerita tentang satu perkara. Ianya banyak perkara, aku telah compresskan menjadi satu susunan perkataan2 yang mungkin korang faham, mungkin tidak.

Nak terasa pon, terasa la, I’m not mentioning any names or what this is all about. Macam mana korang nak meneka kalau takde basis kan.

Atau korang memang suka membaca and being judgemental?

Up to you, you decide.

But for me, this confusing entry has relieved some pressure inside of me. A ventilation entry.

Ughh, aku mencari ayat yang lebih dramatik nak tamatkan entri ini. but I couldn’t find one.

So, I better out.

See you, when I see you.

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:::YTBACK!!!:::

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